Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Making THINGS TO DO IF YOU ARE RAIN a Rhyming Poem

My editor Melissa Manlove thought my RAIN poem was "lovely!" Still, she wanted me to revise it. She wrote: ...after 'windowpanes', though, I keep expecting to hear its rhyme in 'drains'... are you sure you don't want that word in there somewhere?  The last three lines feel less powerful to me than the previous ones.  I suggest you confine yourself to the imagery that might reasonably be in front of your main character-- you start getting too far afield at the end.
My original RAIN poem:
Polka dot sidewalks.
Freckle windowpanes.
Roll off rooftops and gurgle down gutter spouts.
Patter around a porch in silver slippers.
Dimple a quiet pond.
Tickle tulips and glisten the grass.
Tiptoe over silken seas.
Look for a lost rainbow.
After revising the poem, the first two lines remained the same--but nearly everything else changed. In addition, it became a rhyming poem.
Polka dot sidewalks.
Freckle windowpanes.
Whoosh down gutter spouts.
Gurgle into drains.
Patter ’round the porch
In slippers of gray.
Tap dance on the roof.
Go away.
REMINDER: I am giving away signed copies of my book THINGS TO DO during National Poetry Month. I will collect the names of people who have commented on my blog posts each week in April and put them in a bag. Next Sunday, I will draw a name from the bag of someone who commented on a post that I published during the week of April 8-14.
Drawing dates: April 15, 22, 29, 30.

1 comment:

Renee LaTulippe said...

Oh, I LOVE reading about the editing process and getting a peak behind the scenes. I also think your original is lovely, and the revision (which I already read since it's on my bookshelf!), is pitch perfect. Thank you so much for sharing this!